I should have written this two months ago while my memory was still fresh and my blood was fighting to reach its boiling point. I hate all those "India is the place to be" drum beaters. I agree India is the place to be but for all the right reasons not the false reasons these drum beaters think of. They think India is developed, economy is soaring, infrastructure woes are talk of yesterday, etc, etc. To me India is the place to be because my family is there, my roots lie in there, things are changing and I would like to play a big part in accelerating those changes. First of all let me correct those morons that India is not developed yet, economy is soaring for a very small percentage of people and infrastructure woes are going to be the talk of tomorrow as well.
Anyways before I digress much further let me talk about the topic at hand. Me and my wife booked tickets to this wonderful group of islands "Maldives" for our honeymoon. Little did we know that our passports need a particular stamp from the Govt for this trip to become a reality. Before I left the US for India, I got to know about this ECNR (Emigration Check Not Required) thing that we had to get stamped in our passports. My 'wife to be' duly took leave of her office and went to Bangalore to get it stamped. She got everything done in a single day and heaved a sigh of relief. Now, it was left to me to get mine stamped before we got married so that we can leave peacefully for Maldives. After landing in Hyd and the initial jet lag I decided to go to the passport office in Secunderabad, now that we have moved to Sec'bad. Everyone warned me that I need to get there early so that I could get mine done faster. The office they said opens at 9:00 am (or 9:30 was it?) and closes for general public at 12:30 pm. Anyways me being a bit lazy reached the office at 9:15 am instead of 8:00 am suggested by people. The travails begin.....
There was a young lady selling various passport applications and forms in front of the office. I went to her bought the appropriate form (called "Miscellaneous Form") for 5 bucks and duly went to the gate only to be stopped by a policewallah. The guy asked me who the applicant was and upon being told that I was the (un)fortunate one asked me to show my application form. Seeing that neither a photo was attached nor the blanks filled 'ordered' me to fill the form and come back. Now, an enthusiastic me though surprised at this order started looking around for a place to sit and fill the form. Our Govts being our Govts didnt seem to think it was important for people to sit while filling out forms, so they just provided a thatched roof on the left side of the gate for applicants to do their thing. I found that to be more like an animal shed with animals fidgeting around. I decided with a great deal of dignity that I will not stand in the animal shed set up by the Govt and fill the form. So, I looked around, found a concrete basement of the local police post, sat on it and started filling my form amidst a lot of curious peeks into my form from total strangers sitting next to me.
Ok!! I finally filled the form and got sent thru immediately by the policewallah(s). Now, as soon I stepped inside I realised it was the cellar of the building but looked like a busy market place with all the people moving around to form various queues. Noticing the absence of proper signboards (I wonder why?), I asked one of the guys there where I should be standing to get my ECNR stamped. He pointed to me the "right" place called General Enquiry counter and I politely went and stood there waiting for my turn in the long queue. Atleast there were seats for people to sit while queueing and I was waiting for my turn to atleast sit. I almost reached my seat and was about to sit that I learnt from some learned guy that general enquiry counter was just a queue for asking questions and I needed to go stand in a queue towards the end of the cellar.
I thanked him and started looking for this queue. I ended up at the place where a small gap in the chairs manned by another policewallah was leading to the application counters. The policewallah told me curtly that there is a long queue and I need to stand at the beginning of it. I now started searching for the beginning fo the queue desperatly since I had already wasted 30-40 mins of my precious time. I finally found the queue, it was a seated queue and though very long was a welcome change from standing and running around. Waited for almost an eternity there for the queue to move. In the meantime other people were in the similar process of looking for the beginning of the queue since another counter was just in the vicinity and the whole thing was confusing. I along with others took it upon ourselves to direct the citizens to where they belonged. Some poeple taking advantage of the fact that there was a confusion tried to get ahead in the line starting a scuffle and a series of arguments. I was a bemused onlooker as it had been 2-3 years since I saw THE (Indian) WAY of forming a queue.
Suddenly there was noise all around with people running helter skelter. No, nothing "untoward" happened. It was not helter skelter either, it was just that the morons who were queueing along with me and ahead of me were just moving ahead in the line. I will make it clearer, the policewallah at the end of the cellar had just let 20-30 people from our queue to go to the counters and so there were 20-30 empty chairs in the front now which any guy with common sense will think will be filled as the people seated in the queue get up and move along. But little did you know that in India people like to play musical chairs if you put chairs in a queue for their convenience. Thats it, I saw some of the most educated Indians making a dash for the empty seats in the front, creating total mayhem; run and grab whatever seat you can find in the queue seemed to be the act of the day. I didnt take part in the ritual as I had one really f**kd up leg. After all the mela subsided I ended up obviously at my original place in the queue, may be gained a few seats. Awesome!!! Frustration levels jumped a million levels in my impatient mind that was battered by the mela that just ended. What has happened to people of India? Have they been corrupted by the constant battles they have to fight to survive each day? Or were they born uncouth and uncivilized as a result of more than 200 yrs of disgusting n despicable colonial rule by the goras?
After a 5 min debate with self, I mustered courage and went up to the policewallah manning the way to the counters. I sternly asked him "why are you guys not manning the queue properly? People are running around like animals and you guys are not controlling them." If you didnt know already taking your chances with an Indian policewallah is calling for trouble. But, he seemed to be the nicer one you come across once in a while. He started arguing with me decently saying "what can I do if educated people are flouting the rules?" After a lot of arguing he agreed to control it the next time. Next time came and went and the same shit happened, and I didnt gain any distance. I was on the verge of a complete breakdown, when I decided enough was enough, I will also play musical chairs with my fellow Indians. But the third time around the constable kept his word and came to mann the queue brandishing his lathi at the erring idiots. It was the sanest moment of the day for me. After a little more wait I was sent through to the counters not knowing that more drama was in store for me and my dream of going to Maldives for my honeymoon was nowhere near.
What a way to begin my India trip?!! I guess brushes with the Indian system should be avoided at all costs. If you found my post even a little bit interesting, please make the effort to read my sequel "Passport Blues - II". Adios for now.
Anyways before I digress much further let me talk about the topic at hand. Me and my wife booked tickets to this wonderful group of islands "Maldives" for our honeymoon. Little did we know that our passports need a particular stamp from the Govt for this trip to become a reality. Before I left the US for India, I got to know about this ECNR (Emigration Check Not Required) thing that we had to get stamped in our passports. My 'wife to be' duly took leave of her office and went to Bangalore to get it stamped. She got everything done in a single day and heaved a sigh of relief. Now, it was left to me to get mine stamped before we got married so that we can leave peacefully for Maldives. After landing in Hyd and the initial jet lag I decided to go to the passport office in Secunderabad, now that we have moved to Sec'bad. Everyone warned me that I need to get there early so that I could get mine done faster. The office they said opens at 9:00 am (or 9:30 was it?) and closes for general public at 12:30 pm. Anyways me being a bit lazy reached the office at 9:15 am instead of 8:00 am suggested by people. The travails begin.....
There was a young lady selling various passport applications and forms in front of the office. I went to her bought the appropriate form (called "Miscellaneous Form") for 5 bucks and duly went to the gate only to be stopped by a policewallah. The guy asked me who the applicant was and upon being told that I was the (un)fortunate one asked me to show my application form. Seeing that neither a photo was attached nor the blanks filled 'ordered' me to fill the form and come back. Now, an enthusiastic me though surprised at this order started looking around for a place to sit and fill the form. Our Govts being our Govts didnt seem to think it was important for people to sit while filling out forms, so they just provided a thatched roof on the left side of the gate for applicants to do their thing. I found that to be more like an animal shed with animals fidgeting around. I decided with a great deal of dignity that I will not stand in the animal shed set up by the Govt and fill the form. So, I looked around, found a concrete basement of the local police post, sat on it and started filling my form amidst a lot of curious peeks into my form from total strangers sitting next to me.
Ok!! I finally filled the form and got sent thru immediately by the policewallah(s). Now, as soon I stepped inside I realised it was the cellar of the building but looked like a busy market place with all the people moving around to form various queues. Noticing the absence of proper signboards (I wonder why?), I asked one of the guys there where I should be standing to get my ECNR stamped. He pointed to me the "right" place called General Enquiry counter and I politely went and stood there waiting for my turn in the long queue. Atleast there were seats for people to sit while queueing and I was waiting for my turn to atleast sit. I almost reached my seat and was about to sit that I learnt from some learned guy that general enquiry counter was just a queue for asking questions and I needed to go stand in a queue towards the end of the cellar.
I thanked him and started looking for this queue. I ended up at the place where a small gap in the chairs manned by another policewallah was leading to the application counters. The policewallah told me curtly that there is a long queue and I need to stand at the beginning of it. I now started searching for the beginning fo the queue desperatly since I had already wasted 30-40 mins of my precious time. I finally found the queue, it was a seated queue and though very long was a welcome change from standing and running around. Waited for almost an eternity there for the queue to move. In the meantime other people were in the similar process of looking for the beginning of the queue since another counter was just in the vicinity and the whole thing was confusing. I along with others took it upon ourselves to direct the citizens to where they belonged. Some poeple taking advantage of the fact that there was a confusion tried to get ahead in the line starting a scuffle and a series of arguments. I was a bemused onlooker as it had been 2-3 years since I saw THE (Indian) WAY of forming a queue.
Suddenly there was noise all around with people running helter skelter. No, nothing "untoward" happened. It was not helter skelter either, it was just that the morons who were queueing along with me and ahead of me were just moving ahead in the line. I will make it clearer, the policewallah at the end of the cellar had just let 20-30 people from our queue to go to the counters and so there were 20-30 empty chairs in the front now which any guy with common sense will think will be filled as the people seated in the queue get up and move along. But little did you know that in India people like to play musical chairs if you put chairs in a queue for their convenience. Thats it, I saw some of the most educated Indians making a dash for the empty seats in the front, creating total mayhem; run and grab whatever seat you can find in the queue seemed to be the act of the day. I didnt take part in the ritual as I had one really f**kd up leg. After all the mela subsided I ended up obviously at my original place in the queue, may be gained a few seats. Awesome!!! Frustration levels jumped a million levels in my impatient mind that was battered by the mela that just ended. What has happened to people of India? Have they been corrupted by the constant battles they have to fight to survive each day? Or were they born uncouth and uncivilized as a result of more than 200 yrs of disgusting n despicable colonial rule by the goras?
After a 5 min debate with self, I mustered courage and went up to the policewallah manning the way to the counters. I sternly asked him "why are you guys not manning the queue properly? People are running around like animals and you guys are not controlling them." If you didnt know already taking your chances with an Indian policewallah is calling for trouble. But, he seemed to be the nicer one you come across once in a while. He started arguing with me decently saying "what can I do if educated people are flouting the rules?" After a lot of arguing he agreed to control it the next time. Next time came and went and the same shit happened, and I didnt gain any distance. I was on the verge of a complete breakdown, when I decided enough was enough, I will also play musical chairs with my fellow Indians. But the third time around the constable kept his word and came to mann the queue brandishing his lathi at the erring idiots. It was the sanest moment of the day for me. After a little more wait I was sent through to the counters not knowing that more drama was in store for me and my dream of going to Maldives for my honeymoon was nowhere near.
What a way to begin my India trip?!! I guess brushes with the Indian system should be avoided at all costs. If you found my post even a little bit interesting, please make the effort to read my sequel "Passport Blues - II". Adios for now.
