No shit!

Wham! double wham! Before I could spit out a mouthful of melodious epithets, another bham! wham! I shrieked in horror at the white gooey spots, splashes rather, on my windshield. I made sure those mouthful of unhearables did come out this time. Bent forward, groaned at the latest splinter in the lower reaches of muh back and looked up to see a small but strong congregation of huge white birds sitting atop the fone cable that was passing some 30 - 40 ft right above my car. I didnt know these white feathery thingies loved to have their early morning loo meetings there. Must be discussing something really important like who is this month's "Droppings Champion" or "Cackling Champion"? Whoa! what is that thing hurtling towards me from the midst of the congregation????.... everything happened at a lightning speed. Even before my big bloated head could calculate the object's velocity (sqrt(2gh) aint it?) and react, it hit me right in the face. Luckily the windshield was there to protect me against the foul missile. I looked at the new coat of gooey paint on my windshield and said to myself "No shit!".

"If they want a war, they will get it" I exploded, and jumped outta my car. Little did I realise that I have still not recovered from the painful knee surgery I had a year ago. The inevitable happened; landed with a huge thud on the ground clutching my knee. The pain was horrible, couldnt even open my eyes to see if the knee came apart. Groaning seemed to be the best medicine. Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! What was that painful ringing noise in my ears? Is it the white birds mocking at me? Are they pointing their ugly feathers towards me and cracking up? I had to take revenge, I am the one who will have the last laff, I told myself. In a fit of rage, I threw the first thing I could hold on to at the birds..... the ringing noise stopped and slowly with a triumphant smile on my lips, I opened my eyes. FU*kING HELL! Where am I? What is all this around me?

By the time I realised what had happened my new alarm clock was no more, my bedroom was filled with all kindsa metal, electronic debris and what not. Dragged myself to the window and saw my car standing majestically in the sun; the windshield was still gleaming from the wash I gave it yesterday. To me it looked like it was winking.

Looking back at the crime scene, I said to myself "Probably a broken alarm clock was better than a freshly painted windshield with exotic paint". Will go to the orthopedist tomorrow and decide about that. Hope my future in street cricket doesnt end with a silly nightmare of white birds.... mummmeeeeeeeeeeeee!